Monday 4 September 23

58% 6.36pm

oxy

I’ve been suss for a while now about the connection between oxytocin and OxyContin, and raved about that here.

reprieve

I spoke with the teacher at TAFE today and feel now there is room among the demands of studying alongside the needs of our family. In the last few weeks we’ve had a trauma flare up or a karmic shitstorm, I’m not sure which I prefer. TAFE has been extra stress and now that has lifted, by communicating that I need some space to get the work down around the needs of my family.

The reality is we are living with chronic and acute mental and physical health issues, including a constellation of complex trauma. I need the space to take a breath, collect myself, reacquaint myself with my values, priorities and the sadhana that keeps me connected with self and healthy and happy enough to meet life and be present for others even though it’s stressful AF all the time, pretty much.

I am learning to regulate on the fly though, inoculating myself to the effects of stress, and things are coming good. 

I have the next three days or so where I don’t have to go to class and can be more available here to do my sadhana and be at home and spend some time with Nikki and Zane if that’s practical. Three days to do some training-in-balance, taking good care of myself so I can balance TAFE and home. 

efforting

I keep a physical list of reflections and insights that I’d like to remember, familiarise myself with so they are close to the fore when I need them. One I will add: 

We live with delicate/volatile health needs and it’s important to remain vigilant, and remain committed to the efforting that means I’ll be naturally more resilient and compassionate throughout stress. 

connection with Self

Here is the LP of an earlier post about re-connecting with Self to avoid being an existential suckhole.